She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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