i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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