plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
