last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
