my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
