He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
