Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
