So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
