I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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