I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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