we have pet lesbian snakes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
