I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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