he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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