Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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