My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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