Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
