The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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