you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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