PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize