Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
