My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
