i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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