its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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