I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
