Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
