all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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