piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need water and some morals
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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