im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize