I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
