Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize