i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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