Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
