Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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