I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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