I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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