it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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