Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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