If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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