I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
