So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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