Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
