No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
