Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
