I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
