your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
