There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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