I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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