i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize