I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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