shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
