I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize