I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
