I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
