we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
