If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
