we have pet lesbian snakes
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He shit in the fireplace
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
