dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
...so i touched it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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