i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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