so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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