So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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