I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
