Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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